Walking down a narrow hallway, the smell of the ocean breeze consumed my thoughts. Why was I here? Who brought me here? Somehow, awaking from my sleep has me in an unfamiliar place, but I was not afraid. The decorations, tall ceilings, no sense of urgency and powerful energy surrounds my every step. How can you be afraid of something so beautiful? Nothing I’ve ever witnessed in life resembled this masterpiece. This was perfect. This was heaven, it had to be.
At the end of the long hallway was a body of water. Just one more step and I would be standing in the middle of the most beautiful hues of blue gracing the face of this earth. From one shade to another, I studied each one until I knew I’d mastered what each color meant to me. Every inch of the water represented me, told a story I was familiar with and ones I hadn’t been aware of. How can you be afraid of something so beautiful?
Glancing around, not one chair in sight. There were no ladders to get into the water, there were no rails which kept the water from overflowing on the sides. The radiant sun shined bright and began to coat my melanin skin with tiny beads of perspiration. For a moment, I studied my skin. Trailing along my arm with my index finger, I encountered a sticky residue. Cautiously, I lifted my finger to my nose, no scent. Connecting my thumb, index and middle finger in a slow circular motion, the sticky residue slowly became moist and the hue of blue I associated with love. In awe, I stared at my hand. How can you be afraid of something so beautiful?
Without notice, a strong gust of wind began to pull me towards the hallway, but there was no longer beauty behind me. Steam pours from the entrance and gaps in the walls, this isn’t the place I came from. There was nothing to grab, no one to call for help. I was about to be pulled away from a place I knew I didn’t want to leave, even if I’d never seen it before. Panic set over me. I cried. Stomped. Kicked. Screamed. Nothing. Nothing. No one was going to save me. Until I see… those beautiful hues of blue, unaltered.
Now a choice must be made. I could keep fighting this forceful, fear inflicting wind or jump into those beautiful hues of blue and deal with what comes after. If my heart and body had a voice, I would listen but they didn’t. This was a choice that had to be made and if one isn’t made quick enough, I’d lose my option to choose. I’d lose my option to say I made a decision. I’d lose my option to have control.
A deep demanding tone echoed through my head, “Choices and outcomes go hand in hand. You must choose.”
Without a second thought, I flung my body into the water. Never taking a deep breath. Never questioning what could happen. This was a choice. I was making the choice. Gasping for air, I realized, I made an irrational decision. I jumped into a body of water unprepared because of what it looked like, because of those beautiful hues of blue. As the water slowly filled my lungs, this was it. This was the end. Slowly, all consciousness began to disappear. This was it. This was my end.
The heaviness in my eyes causes them to close. It was time to accept reality. Just as my last breath escapes my lungs, I hear a voice…
“I’m glad you were afraid of being beautiful. I’m glad you weren’t afraid of being you.”
#learningtoloveme #resilientlifestyle #thoughtsofarestlessmind